25 Notes To Whomever It May Concern
If you think you wanna be a baller...shot-caller...brawler in 2025.
I know that is a Puffy reference. Too soon? Well, in 2024, there seemed to be a rash of “IDGAF” mindsets that resulted in some of the craziest outcomes all over the planet, folks basically voted to look out only for self, and overlook the obvious, and so I am one of those who has been like…oh, is that the game we are playing? Yes, sir…let me get three cases of the unfiltered version of IDGAF, with extra “either” and “FAFO”.
So. Yes, some songs will stay on the playlist. Hate the player. Don’t hate the game. Isn’t that what they say?
Speaking of what they say aka advice, I listened to a really powerful episode of the New York Time’s The Daily podcast, called “The Year In Wisdom”, and my people, abeg…listen to it. It collates and curates the best advice some of the NYT reporters and listeners received in 2024 and I thought it was so powerful and inspired me to make these notes to self, and to whomever else it may concern, in deference to the New Year. I’ll even start with a one from the podcast, in my own words.
Let’s go:
Listen. Listen more. Just listen. I mean, someone is talking to you, just listen. Abeg. Stop preparing to respond or ChatGPTing the right answer. In fact, the more you listen, the more likely it is that you don’t have to respond. I am learning this as I get older, wiser, and become a better coach and advisor.
The next two are from my Loaded Course—first, what would be stupid for you not to do in the next 90 days? Seriously o.
And then, what would be stupid for you to do in the next 90 days? This one is even more serious.
If your skills and services are top-level, then charge accordingly. “Chidi, whoa…you are expensive.” Yes. I am.
It's like the story of the carpenter who charged $1m to fix a leaking ship. He was asked why his service was so expensive and he replied, "$1 for the hammer, $999,999 for knowing where to hit."
Imagine if Michael Jackson went to some cheap producer to make Off The Wall and Thriller, after receiving Quincy Jones’ fee statement.
I didn’t say I am Quincy Jones. I am Chidi Afulezi.
From the NYT podcast—for those making resolutions, put more joy into them, not dread. Why should they be so self-punishing? “I’ll stop eating bread”, “I need to reduce my calories.” Why can’t it be about discovery, or fun? Instead of creating wahala that you will abandon by early next week?
Another one from the podcast—if you are feeling lonely, find a mentor or someone who really helped you in your past. Contact them and re-establish that connection. This one is golden, very relevant, loved it and I have already reached out to a woman who helped define my career as a product leader and connected me to one of my closest people today. We lost touch about eight years ago.
Walk. Take a walk. Outside. And don’t put the headphones on. Unless you live in Lagos. Ha.
Walk. When you are starting to get heated, or about to say some dumb stuff to someone close to you, or even if it is being said to you, take a walk. And some deep breaths. Hit pause.
You don’t always have to clap back. Notice how tired and rabid the best clap-backers seem to look and be?
You can choose to be the safe harbor, or you can choose to be the storm. But you can’t be both.
If I choose to be the storm for you, you done messed up, for real. But that’s definitely not the norm. The aftermath is messy. I’m too old for that s*.
I deleted WhatsApp from my phone for the past two weeks. Eish. I am trying to figure out how to not put it back on, because…peace. Peace, my friends. Kai!
“To know that even one life has breathed easier because you lived, this is to have succeeded.” This is more like it. Safe harbor. From Bessie Anderson Stanley.
Someone tried to tag me the other day based on their first impression of me—what I like, what I do, etc. I was quite polite but firm in responding. “Don’t put me in a box. I’m a big boy. I promise you I won’t fit.”
Don’t let them put you in a box. Whoever them is.
Another one from Loaded (aka another Load): The much-heralded cliché—stay in your lane—is much heralded for a reason. When you are driving, where are your eyes? In front. You check your mirrors—side, rearview—so you have proper context of what’s happening around you. But you do not have your eyes on the lanes beside you. You stay in your lane. When you need to make a lane change, that change is informed by all the signals and info you have from your mirrors, your dashboard, the sensors, and what’s in front of you. And then you signal, and you make the change. Others make way, let you in. That’s how you handle your career.
Not career jumping around like a kangaroo that underestimated the potency of Akabanga sauce.
As an African, I marvel at the capacity that we have for schooling. Degrees coming out of every orifice. Notice I said schooling. Not learning. My take—don’t let school interfere with your learning. Heard that on some TV show.
Have you seen the “this too shall pass” video with Tom Hanks? You should. Killer.
Here’s the quote:
I wish I had known that this too shall pass. You feel bad right now, you feel pissed off? This too shall pass. You feel angry? This too shall pass. You feel great, you feel like you know all the answers, you feel like everybody finally gets you? This too shall pass. Time is your ally, and if nothing else…just wait, just wait, just wait it out.”
Just wait it out. Chill with all the aggressing. Ah-ah, where are you running to!?
But, just wait it out doesn’t mean to chill o. When I used to do martial arts, there was this thing our sensei would do in between rigorous sets. Adrian would make us do fifteen pushups, or 10 jump squats, 25 jumping jacks, something. But no standing around. Called it active resting. Even though you are waiting it out, you are still on mission.
And finally, to tie things up nicely, is Zora Neale Hurston—"There are years that ask questions and years that answer." Here’s to 2025 being a full blown Q&A year for you. Stay the course.
Ok, let me go and finish my video game before this people start asking for me.
Happy New Year.