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Whew. Just returned from Owerri, the city I spent my most formative years in. I liken Owerri as a city in Nigeria similar to Atlanta in the US or Salvador da Bahia in Brazil. Not the center of attention like NYC, Lagos, or Rio, but unassailable in its place as a key part of the country’s fabric. However, the city is not the city I grew up in; so much has changed, and that flavor and vibe that raised me into what I am was missing. I wish I had gone under more relaxed or favorable circumstances, but it was still an experience that hit the right notes.
This may be a bit sombre as I decompress from the chaos of laying one of the prominent anchors in my life to rest, finally. And of course, my Fashi mind was in full observing and perceiving mode as events, people, and drama played out. Have you had a chance to watch “On Becoming A Guinea Fowl”? Absolutely fantastic movie by Zambian filmmaker Rungano Nyoni that I saw before going back home, and yo…talk about a preview of what we were going to deal with back home. You ask me how it went, I would tell you to watch the movie, and multiply everything 10X. Crazy.
The movie opened up the full menu of drama about family dynamics and how we process grief and loss. But experiencing it firsthand reminded me why staying grounded matters more than staying comfortable.
High Serenity + Low Happiness = Equanimity. Inner calm, even in pain or sadness. For example, Grieving with grace, meditating through loss.
Equanimity. How do you keep calm and stay in the moment during these heightened states of emotion and commotion? My stoic practice was front and center. Yes, having a toolkit of breathing techniques kept a brother even and keeled, not letting the vultures get to me and my people. And vultures aplenty.
Music was also a weapon of choice as a serenity tool, a necessary balm to the raw nerves that were ever present and ready to pop. Top of the list was Dr. Dre's "The Watcher":
Everywhere that I go, ain't the same as before.
People I used to know, just don't know me no more.
But everywhere that I go, I got people I know.
Who got people they know, so I suggest you lay low.
Dre’s reflection on how things had changed, and his acknowledgment of the core of people who have his back, resonated with me and had me reflecting and chewing on some quotes and wisdom over the past day or two that I would love to share with you, with some Chidi thoughts to go with them.
“People like me don't have people. We are the people that people have.” As Dre says, I got people I know. But not that many, and as I’ve gotten older, and especially in the last months, this string of reality is no longer a surprise. I will advocate for others in rooms they are not in, get them on stages they deserve to be on, and I will continue to be there for people. I just don’t expect people to advocate for me or to be there for me. No malice or resentment, just the truth. Folks are so transactional these days, as Janet Jackson said in her 1986 TED Talk “What Have You Done For Me Lately”. This mindset is freeing, offers clarity, and I get to manage the hell out of my energy. No wastage. We move.
“I will never forget those who came with a lamp, when I was in the dark.” I really like this one. Self explanatory. We know who our lamp carriers are. Protect them, nurture them, and get your lamp ready to shine on them, too. Because darkness is inevitable for everyone. But your lamp should not be inevitable to just anyone.
The curse of the capable. This young woman dropped a gem, and it seems like it blew up like crazy on TikTok. And that’s because she hit the nail on the head for many. Her take is that strength becomes its own prison when others mistake your resilience for invincibility, leaving you to carry the weight alone. The penalty for “being unbreakable” is that nobody thinks you need saving. Take a watch of this short clip, and you can see why this one was top of mind for me last week.
You can see the entire piece on TikTok here:
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Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browserShout out to my people…The Afulezis. We did our thing. Prof will be proud.
“If things turn out as desired, be thankful. If not, be resilient.” I am both thankful and resilient right now, walahi.
“Okuko nyuo ahuru, ala a chuwa ya oso”. Translation—if a chicken farts (or poops) while running, the ground will chase and catch it. I love Igbo sayings, and I heard a whole bunch of them this trip. One of my older cousins said this to me, and I asked her to hold the thought while I wrote this down on my iPhone. She was just looking at me like, “Look at this mumu!”. LOL.
I guess she was trying to tell me something about no matter how fast you try to escape the consequences of your actions, they will eventually catch up with you. Not sure what I or my siblings or whoever did, but I guess we’ll find out.
Which brings me to this: “You cannot be taller than me and shorter than me at the same time.” Came back to the States on Friday, and it was cognitive dissonance madness gone nuclear. The hypocrisy out there is mind-numbing. And observing the reactions to events, especially from many parts of the continent, is…heartbreaking. It’s like there is an unwillingness to do the work to see and unpack the full picture of what is happening stateside.
No, I will not elaborate on this. I said what I said.
Instead, let me close with this derriere kicker from Saul Alinsky: “As an organizer, I start from where the world is, as it is, not as I would like it to be.” This hits with the challenging nature of where we are right now. The mantra is to stay grounded in reality, not ideals or fantasy. To change the world, we must see it as it actually is: the power dynamics, the constraints, current conditions, not as we wish it were. Acceptance is not endorsement. Recognizing and working within the present reality doesn't mean you approve of it or give up on changing it.
To make moves…we just have to face things as they are and meet them where they are now.
I know. As I said…a bit sombre today. I believe I am allowed one of these every now and then.
Enjoy.
Thank you for this reflection... Timely!
Thank you for this reflection... Timely!