Sharpen Your Razors
Let's Get To Shaving!
How goes it?
Actually, “How doesn’t it go?” should be the question, no? Because when you ask someone, “How goes it?”, the automatic response is to say, “I’m good”, and then it gets thrown right back at you—”How goes it with you?”
I’m good.
Of course, at this very moment, I’m being chased by a determined and very pissed-off velociraptor wearing my Jordans while a helicopter full of rabid anti-Chidi zealots firing laser-guided missiles is bearing down on me, which is made worse as my ankles have given out after being shackled for the past month by the kidnappers who thought I had ransom money, but realized I didn't and then cussed me out and have filed a lawsuit at the Hague for global deception and false statements to humanity.
But I’m good, though.
Now, I don’t know how many of you shave regularly, but the way the world is going…I would suggest you shave more often, walahi. Please, before I get chewed to death by the anti-shaving velociraptors with the laser-guided missiles, I am not stupid enough to publicly shame or counsel people about their personal care or hygiene habits…ah, me I get sense o! If you want to shave…shave. If you don’t want to shave…I said if you don’t want to shave…ok then fine, don’t shave.
The shaving I speak of is shaving via philosophical razors. Defined (thank you, Wikipedia) as “a principle or rule of thumb that allows one to eliminate ("shave off") unlikely explanations for a phenomenon, or avoid unnecessary conclusions and/or actions, I’ve been collecting and activating razors like snippets of code in the ChidiOS for a bit now. The second Fashi I ever wrote was about a razor:
The razor in play on that piece was Hanlon’s Razor—“Never attribute to bad intentions, such as malice and self-interest, that which is adequately explained by other causes, such as stupidity, ignorance, carelessness, or incompetence.”
9.9 times out of ten always true. Go ahead. Test it.
I decided to do another razor piece after reading a list of razors loaded up by George Mack on this Twitter thread (X is never going to be a thing to me) that I thought were killer, and I wanted to share some as thematic guides to some Fashis. If you feel like doing some serious shaving, hack these and deploy into your personalOS.
Ok, let’s go.
Bragging Razor—If someone brags about their success or happiness, assume it’s half what they claim. If someone downplays their success or happiness, assume it’s double what they claim.
This is how I not only view LinkedIn with a spoon of salt, I regard that joint with a full pot of suspectedness loaded up with Akabanga chili and Cameroonian pepper. Folks are talking out the side of their necks with unchecked rigor. It’s the quiet ones, man…now, those are the gangsters.
(Only an African would use suspectedness, a fake word, over suspicion. Chai, Oga Chidi. Eat your hear out, Paul Graham.)
High Agency Razor—If unsure who to work with, pick the person with the best chances of breaking you out of a 3rd world prison.
Ooh, I love this one. You know why many folks are miserable at work? Because we know those folks will leave your sorry behind in that prison first sign of anything. Haha. I mean, ah…don’t get it twisted o. Haha. Might even be the one to prison guard that derriere if you don’t take your time.
Luck Razor—If stuck with 2 equal options, pick the one that feels like it will produce the most luck later down the line.
Patience. This is a currency in such low esteem these days.
What’s that Queen song? “I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now”.
There was this ambitious entrepreneur warrior guru in Atlanta who said to me when I suggested we do coffee, “Unless you will be helping me with funding or my immediate goals, I am not taking meetings right now.” Ah, ok…sorry o, ma. Go ahead and show them, ma. As you were, ma. Let me come and be going.
The 6-Figure Razor—If someone brags about six figures, assume it's closer to $100K than $900K.
This is me whenever I see that aggressive TikTok influencer yapping about how he/she is a financial guru and makes and can help you make six figures every month. You mean in Naira? Rwandan Francs? Because the math is not mathing.
Narcissism Razor—If worried about people's opinions, remember they are too busy worrying about other people's opinions of them. 99% of the time you're an extra in someone else's movie.
An unpaid non-speaking extra, in a low-budget documentary not showing in a theater near you. Seriously. Haters are not hating. There is no them. And no one is worried about you. I promise.
Bezos Razor—If unsure what action to pick, let your 90-year-old self on your deathbed choose it.
I know, this is a tough one, especially for young people. So, this is for the vets. We ain’t got time for BS, so yes…book your time travel and consult with your old self. It is clarifying as hell.
Skinner's Law—If procrastinating, you have 2 ways to solve it:
Make the pain of inaction > Pain of action
Make the pleasure of action > Pleasure of inaction
This one is for me only. Let’s move on, abeg. Well, maybe later. Let’s hold on that for now. All this pain and pleasure, eish.
Network Razor—If you have 2 quality people who would benefit from an intro to one another, always do it. Networks don't divide as you share them, they multiply.
There’s this amazing and awesome friend of mine, Vicki Raimey, who connects people with a vengeance. She is a goddess. And she, and the people she connects (myself included), benefit greatly because of her connecting. Many folks protect and keep their connections close to them with a vengeance. They seem a bit more…wound up.
Loosen up. Make the intro. The world will thank you for doing it.
Let me stop here. Lots of shaving on the paper already. Find your razors, your BS shavers, and put them in your code.
Until next.